mini ramp an shit.

Giving birth to R.A.D mag!

take 10 scabby semi-tramp mountainboarders, no map, barley any plans an some may say even fewer collective brain cells an send them round some of the freshest spots the other side of the sea, shits gone get cawazee i tell ya!
i really don’t know where to begin with this write so I is just gona try an list as many of the funny things that happened over those fateful three weeks.
Beats let us use the new mbseurope wheels as long as we promised to bring it back cleaner than when we left, haaaaaaaa! we crammed the little red sports car with all our loot and 6 ruggedly handsome humans set off for dover. With joe driving like a total twat and tuai sporting a newly pierced ear and feather earring we were well on course to make the ferry, that was until we stopped for a piss with just a few minuets to go, del took this as a perfect moment for him to take a 10 minute mega dump thus missing us the boat! we pissed about at the ferry terminal playing throw and catch till we got told to stop. this was probably the first time ever that we hadn’t been stopped and searched by customs, it also happened to be the first time we were actually smuggling drugs

the ferry was boring and the beer was shit but we didn’t care because we were going to be at Compiegne by nightfall! after getting lost more than out fair share we drove through a few corn fields and under a motorway bridge an we were there, the park looked sick but it was so wet we couldn’t ride anything so we jumped in one of the locals cars an made our way into town where we sampled some of the finest beer vie ever tasted. I woke up feeling like my eyes had been turned inside out an for a few minuites i actually wanted to die! i had also acquired a massive growth on my forehead from headbutting the go pro.

we spent the next few days at Compiegne worrying about getting mugged by pikes, i slept with a spade and joe with a hammer. There wasn’t much to ride because of the rain but we managed to bodge a mini roof drop which was kinda fun. pretty sharpish we decided to bounce and make for the south and a place called Monestrol where we had been told the weather should be better and maybe we’d even be able to find del andy and mick some babes, who knows? worth a shot though. O yeah we all bought matching black budgies an hit a swimming pool on the way looking like something out of an old Madonna video.

we got epicly lost at the first roundabout so i bought a sat nave (one of the best decisions ive ever made) all the bays said they’d buy me a beer when we got to Monestrol, Sure, ill believe it when i see it (never) the drive was sooooooooooo fuckin long by the time we arrived my butt had started to blister and my acellerater foot was not in good shape but we made it never the less. wow wow rewind a second! before leaving compeign we decided we needed a wash so we headed for the local swimming pool, turns out in france you’ve got to look like a creepy middle age pozeing perv to be aloud to swim in indoor whater so off we drove again to find ourselves matching speedos! it was just lovely seeing all that pube and very little dick! anyway we got a shower in the end and even had a ride on the worlds slowest slide!

monstroll turned out to be one very very good call, the sun was shining and the park was in such beautiful setting with a view to die for! we spent the first day pretending we were some sort of dig sos mountainboard park revamp tv crew, by the time we were done with the place she was looking some kinda peachy! the park was small but full of fun jibby stuff an we found some class street to ride an even got to explore a huge abandoned house/drug den. such a huge thanks to all the monstroll massive for making us feel soo welcome were eternally grateful! and batist and his family! one of the most wonderful we’ve ever met! the food and wine was delightful, theres always a place for you over here! o yeah an cheers Gog for the frogs! (this is not a race related comment, it refers to an evening at a deserted restaurant) it would have been too easy to stay there for the duration playing with fireworks an exploring the town but winteberg was call an dyl still hadn’t got laid so again we packed an off we speed with joe thoroughly looking forward to thraping the shit out of our ride on the auto barns.

we stoped off in lyon for a quick skate which was class but left pretty sharpish otherwise a bmxer would have got a knuckle sandwich! the drive was kinda fun! joe smashed the satnav! dyn smashed a few pasties an tuai an andy slept as usual, we were all buzzing out tits off for this stop of the trip, winterberg was like home to a few of us an it seemd quite likely that del would get laid! duno how long the drive took, hours turned to days, days to weeks, weeks to years, who knows? finally on a wet afternoon in july we arrived, we sent the first few days taking photos of dumps, swimming an watching rozzer do naked methods. On one of the first nights we all decided to hit the town accompanied by armin and his class girlfriend, we drove to lidle an stocked up on grafen walder and various other alcoholic beverages along with an fine array of gummy sweets, my personal favourites being the jelly mice! when we got back to the park the drinking commenced, everyonee with beers and joel with a bottle of perno! after a big bbq we all tried to stand up an walk into town, joel had failed asleep in bens van an was totally dead to the world so much so that when ben slammed half a watermelon into his face hard enough to juice the mellon and leave nothing but the skin he still didn’t wake so we locked him in an left. armin an his lady invited us to their for a few more drinks before we went to tenner, they had the biggest box of sweets id ever seen ( we had to pull mick out of this by his feet when it was time to leave) and venga boys on the stereo, priceless! mick went in first with armins babe an got in no trouble despite being the tender age of just 16 we al followed full of beer an sweets and merry as ever. 10 mnuites in and there three stacked counts trying to fight joe maybe down to the fact that they were jelious of all the grinding joe was doing but more likely that joe slapped one of their girlfriends butts or something along those lines, anyway armin defused the situation and the night went on, surly del was gona get laid! later that evening mick rozzer and ben found andy sat at a table with girl so they stole her cigarettes, found a table of their own and proceeded to smoke the whole pack whilst trying to learn to blow smoke rings, i should point out none of them actually smoke so this was a pretty funny sight to see. al the while i was in the metal bar at the bottom of the club getting Krunk as fuck with some really big german men, tuai was in the disco trying to find a phone so he could call his girlfriend to ask if he could get with one of the many old slappers there where grinding round the dancefloor foaming at the mouth at the idea of a bit of young cock and del still wasn’t getting laid! we left at i don’t know what time an stopped off at a pizza place on the walk home which we left pretty shapish before the guys behind the counter had time to get hold of joe. i woke up the next morning feeling like shit with a vibrator in my back pocket and mick next to me in the tent, andy came crawling out of his hole with some sort of grin on his face, turned out he’d met a metal girl after we left, shed taken him to an ally, shown him what a good time a german metal chick can be, done a runner an left poor andy lost in winterberg an feeling used an lonely, dyl still hadn’t got laid! the next evening we went for pizza for dikos birthday somehow we lost andy on te way to the restaurant, when we had all eaten our fill andy strolld in having spent the last hour trying to find his hat he lost in an ally or was it someones garden, he couldn’t remember the night before.
we left the restaurant an did something, im not sure what.
after a few more days of frolicking about in winterberg dyl still hadn’t got laid so we thought it time to move on an try someware else, i cant really remember the drive to wanyi park, i was drunk an joe was drunk, fuck it, it is what it is!
lat time i was in belgium i had got the shit kicked out of me for stealing a bottle of ribena so naturally i felt a slight twang of anticipation to re enter those barren lands but we had andy (the brave) with us so i know we’d all be fine plus i quit stealing since then.
most of our time there was spent jibbing about, wrestling on the slack line, producing dustep (hey joel if you’ve finished that dirty tune whack it up on the radmag Facebook) climbing trees ect. after spending one night with ghettos gaba tunes we know we’d have to be hideously pissed to make it through the next few nights so we drove to the shops an bought 100 beers around which we formed a circle an then prodded to guzzel guzzel guzzle. martin an the bays had put their tp back up which we spent a lovely night in, ill hand you over to mick an ben to elaborate on this part of the story an the rest because my finger are sore. Well me and ben thought we’d go exploring into the deaths of the tp where we found two young french warriors equipt with guitars and swords. later on that night the became to be our only friends in the tp. We got chatting and you know one thing led to another and about 10 minuets later were had ourselves a pair of fine oak guitars. we hit o the stage and played the same chord over and over again singing think like “me and ben playing the guitar, to play this gig we drove real real far in the mbs and project doc car” with choruses consisting of “alley, alley, alley, alley, alley, alley, alley, alley.” everyone was cheering and dancing and me and ben the same, we played until our fingers were bleeding and our voice boxes worn away, so we said out good byes and went back out onto the wilderness to let our body recover. our hearts were beating faster than ever, that was the best experiences of our lifes so we went back for se……… oops im board now, you’ll have to make up the rest of this essay yourself. ill leave you with one thought. we steped of the ferry back in rainy england an Dyl still hadn’t got laid!

joke of the post, what do you call a sleeping bull? a bulldozer!